Why this keeps happening? I don't feel like myself anymore. Am I really changing or is it just that I'm too quiet?
How can I get this feeling out from myself?...
Every dream looks like a nightmare without and ending. Just how long this will last? Nothing happy doesn't seem to happen, even if I try to lose the pessimistic cloud over my head. But every color looks grey now.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Monday, March 14, 2011
We live in rough times
Oh well, time to write next entry after million years of silence.
Cruising through life at speed of life.
Lot has happened since last post. Happy stuff, sad stuff but I'm still ok and sane.
Lets break some topics to pieces like the Japanase earthquake and my view of the thing. I got known about the issue when the tsunami had hit Japanese coast, but then I was like oh well, it can be worse. That was at school when I got home I read about it on bbc.com and other sites. I was like OMG for second. And then I followed the news past days and saw how things went. Not from bad to worse but how one thing can cause so much problems.
I would gladly go to help japanese people if I could, but there lies problem, I still have school to finish. On the other hand I believe that japanese can overcome this "catastrophe" pretty fast. As I was reading one blog where it was clearly pointed out what is a core meltdown and other things media has highlighted due to explosions at Fukushima nuclear power-plant. Let this topic just lose it's heat, then it will be more accurate.
Other than that life has been as boring as it can be, nothing to do but sleep all day long. Sometimes happaned that I woke up and noticed that I missed the training.
Good news is that winter is almost over, Sun shines higher and longer.
------
Fluxx is great game, but No one expects the Spanish inquisition.
Cruising through life at speed of life.
Lot has happened since last post. Happy stuff, sad stuff but I'm still ok and sane.
Lets break some topics to pieces like the Japanase earthquake and my view of the thing. I got known about the issue when the tsunami had hit Japanese coast, but then I was like oh well, it can be worse. That was at school when I got home I read about it on bbc.com and other sites. I was like OMG for second. And then I followed the news past days and saw how things went. Not from bad to worse but how one thing can cause so much problems.
I would gladly go to help japanese people if I could, but there lies problem, I still have school to finish. On the other hand I believe that japanese can overcome this "catastrophe" pretty fast. As I was reading one blog where it was clearly pointed out what is a core meltdown and other things media has highlighted due to explosions at Fukushima nuclear power-plant. Let this topic just lose it's heat, then it will be more accurate.
Other than that life has been as boring as it can be, nothing to do but sleep all day long. Sometimes happaned that I woke up and noticed that I missed the training.
Good news is that winter is almost over, Sun shines higher and longer.
------
Fluxx is great game, but No one expects the Spanish inquisition.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Empty shell on the beach
Feeling like an empty shell lying on the beach, waiting for someone to pick it up and throw it back to the Ocean of Hate. If you find it then just throw it back, no use to take it with you. Inside is nothing left. You may break it, throw it back, hide in the sand, I wouldn't care because left alone is best for me.
As tide comes I shall travel again in the Ocean of Hate where I can be free till I find another beach where to stop hoping you wouldn't find me there. Because in the shell there can be life still, but very, very little.
Would you take it with you, you make a mistake. That little piece of life, hope will grow bigger and bigger. Till it becomes monster and you just take it back to where you found it. And throw it back to Ocean of Hate.
Yet another one finds it and so shall the circle continue till one day that ray of hope in the shell is almost gone and someone finds it and from that day, the shell will become what it used to be.
But to get out of the circle will take time, days, months, years, decades, centurys maybe even a millenia till it finds true happyness.
As tide comes I shall travel again in the Ocean of Hate where I can be free till I find another beach where to stop hoping you wouldn't find me there. Because in the shell there can be life still, but very, very little.
Would you take it with you, you make a mistake. That little piece of life, hope will grow bigger and bigger. Till it becomes monster and you just take it back to where you found it. And throw it back to Ocean of Hate.
Yet another one finds it and so shall the circle continue till one day that ray of hope in the shell is almost gone and someone finds it and from that day, the shell will become what it used to be.
But to get out of the circle will take time, days, months, years, decades, centurys maybe even a millenia till it finds true happyness.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Falling apart/Walking away
If it happened once it can happen again. Trembling, crackling inside without knowing what to do next. From when it got so sad again? Life is cruel but fair. One second I'm walking home with friends, the next I'm in dark graveyard alone and thinking why I'm so alone, when I had friends just a seconds ago around me. Am I destined to walk the Earth alone forever?
Happyness just walking away from me like, I from my friend usually do just sneaking away without saying goodbye when it seems right to leave or I'm tired.
Giving myself bit by tiny bit to others without gaining anything from it. I can't stop doing it, cannot change who I am. I only get back something that makes me sad. Why does it happen... I try to make others happy and I gain nothing except misery of it.
Happyness just walking away from me like, I from my friend usually do just sneaking away without saying goodbye when it seems right to leave or I'm tired.
Giving myself bit by tiny bit to others without gaining anything from it. I can't stop doing it, cannot change who I am. I only get back something that makes me sad. Why does it happen... I try to make others happy and I gain nothing except misery of it.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Time has passed
Too long has passed since I bothered to write something.
So many things has happened meanwhile. I got my Birthday party planned, one silver medal in badminton tournament last weekend.
Weekend before that I was with friends(like 60 ppl) at baka.ee winter rally. Was fun though, I mostly spent time with one person. Played pool for 1,5 hours at midnight, lost the game because neither I nor my partner didn't believe to heart of the balls. I got some new friends from there too, with who was very good and interesting to talk. While party lasted till morning I went to sleep at 4 or so.
While coming back from there our car drifted a little and then was in wall of snow, atleast we got out quick as there was a police convoy (highway interceptor, patrol car and minivan) few minutes behind us. But when I got home, I had massive headache.
I have to mention that I had week or 2 before similiar incident while going to family friends place 20 km out of town. But then it was only ice what was on the road and we did 360 while going with 80 km/h before landing in wall of snow.
So many things has happened meanwhile. I got my Birthday party planned, one silver medal in badminton tournament last weekend.
Weekend before that I was with friends(like 60 ppl) at baka.ee winter rally. Was fun though, I mostly spent time with one person. Played pool for 1,5 hours at midnight, lost the game because neither I nor my partner didn't believe to heart of the balls. I got some new friends from there too, with who was very good and interesting to talk. While party lasted till morning I went to sleep at 4 or so.
While coming back from there our car drifted a little and then was in wall of snow, atleast we got out quick as there was a police convoy (highway interceptor, patrol car and minivan) few minutes behind us. But when I got home, I had massive headache.
I have to mention that I had week or 2 before similiar incident while going to family friends place 20 km out of town. But then it was only ice what was on the road and we did 360 while going with 80 km/h before landing in wall of snow.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Irrationality in rationality
Oh well. New year well spent... first day at school went quite good even. And I have already planned next 4 weekends already.
It seems I'm writing less than I did before the new year. Maybe it's because I now have something to do with my time; not to write irrational things that only I can understand(I still can write them, but it's no use to write because I'm not the only one who reads them). Confusion was the best, is the best way I write in my blog. No use to find rationality here, because it's irrational babble I'm blowing here. Just some random thoughts/things from my mind. Like I think before I sleep, like 2 maybe 3 hours I lay still and my mind works as fast as Mach 5.
Only thing is my thoughts are confusing me. Some pictures from future like some girl I know starting barfight over with other trying to get it under control it gets bigger and bigger. In the end I leave the bar and only 1 girl comes out of there to seek me because others are conserned by killing the contestants or injurying them.
Usless bullshit I'm talking. Never shall I talk about the point, it's useful to go round the matter not into it the right way. Who can understand, who can't.
There is no devil inside me, it's just a fistsize red thingy what keeps me alive. Alive is well said because I feel like dissapoint at my **********s, well actualy not for one, but I plan to be off from #D till friday. Don't think it's a good idea, but lets try. If I go there again before friday I'm gonna blog again...
Wish I hadn't said that last sentence...
It seems I'm writing less than I did before the new year. Maybe it's because I now have something to do with my time; not to write irrational things that only I can understand(I still can write them, but it's no use to write because I'm not the only one who reads them). Confusion was the best, is the best way I write in my blog. No use to find rationality here, because it's irrational babble I'm blowing here. Just some random thoughts/things from my mind. Like I think before I sleep, like 2 maybe 3 hours I lay still and my mind works as fast as Mach 5.
Only thing is my thoughts are confusing me. Some pictures from future like some girl I know starting barfight over with other trying to get it under control it gets bigger and bigger. In the end I leave the bar and only 1 girl comes out of there to seek me because others are conserned by killing the contestants or injurying them.
Usless bullshit I'm talking. Never shall I talk about the point, it's useful to go round the matter not into it the right way. Who can understand, who can't.
There is no devil inside me, it's just a fistsize red thingy what keeps me alive. Alive is well said because I feel like dissapoint at my **********s, well actualy not for one, but I plan to be off from #D till friday. Don't think it's a good idea, but lets try. If I go there again before friday I'm gonna blog again...
Wish I hadn't said that last sentence...
Monday, January 3, 2011
It's just wrong
It's wrong to say I'm happy
It's wrong to say I'm sad
I could make those cute eyes of a puppy
But now the idea seems so bad
I wonder why
I said bye
Without a blink
And turned my back to you
So I wouldn't think
About you
I don't know what I need
I don't know what I want
Why this keeps happening to me?
I don't know.
It's wrong to say I'm sad
I could make those cute eyes of a puppy
But now the idea seems so bad
I wonder why
I said bye
Without a blink
And turned my back to you
So I wouldn't think
About you
I don't know what I need
I don't know what I want
Why this keeps happening to me?
I don't know.
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