Sanity farewell, welcome insanity

You say you know me, but actualy you are lying because you don't know anything about me. You don't know how harsh and repulsive I am. Just one word and all what I am can be torn to shreds in an instant. You say I need help, well I say not your help. When I'm frustrated it will take time to get myself together. For example I wanted to smash my racket to bits while playing the 3rd place game today in tournament. I'm at the edge of sanity and insanity. Somehow I want to hit, smash, or just wreck something, but my mind wouldn't let me do it. I have never been good with people, it happens always I get friends with them and some time passes peacefully and then I find myself not talking to them in a long time because I did something, but they don't want to talk about it. I want to hate myself because I've caused so much pain to others, but I can't some of them were demanding it.