Monster at bay

For myself I'm a monster, but outside I look just like normal, everything inside will be wrecked soon if I don't bother doin anything. I will not let the beast out though it wants and tries to escape. My mind is blocking it till the very end, it never rests. If I try to sleep, I see future, waht would happen if the beast is let out. I don't want it. I will not let it out. I keep it at bay, till the end of my days... 

Putting him to sleep is like trying to get what you see in your reash but never get your hands on it. He just is there and waits, till I let my guard down and then he takes control of me.

I don't know what will happen if he get's out... 

but it will not be good... 

I hope my mind stays sane if not there is nothing left for me to collect after sanity is restored... 

Just things

For a couple of days I've been sketching only one figure...
I wonder why, it is just so in my head that I can't get it out...
Every time I grab a pen and try to draw that 1 pic just comes to my mind with different outfits...
It's so simple to draw it, but harder to add something to there ...

Can't get it out my head...
Can't leave it alone...
Don't know why...
Don't want to forget...

Looks like OC...
But not really an OC...
I don't have this kind of imagination...
Nevermind it's so meaningless after all...

Something I did...

A good song I found thx to friend while driving from one birthday last weekend.

Last weekend was great...
Except the part where I drank 35% pepper drink with wermouth, after a lot of rum&colas.
Sauna was perfect there but seems I managed somehow to get burnmark to my shoulder and it's been annyoing me now. Playin Alias till 5.30 am was fun, and somewhat a challange, after game ended I fell to sleep so fast I noticed to wake up at 11am.

Now I can't go to any party in a month or so because of the badminton tournaments happening almost every saturday and it's a 2-3hr drive to those places. That extends my school week by atleast a day. Onyl Sunday left for resting.

Animatsuri is coming soon. Thinking if I should partake in flashmob at Animatsuri or not... I don't think I have time to learn it fully and knowing my skills dancing... I will clearly fail.

I have the best song to add to the end of this post.

P.S. TAT is great band

It's Autumn already?

It's been long I last wrote here.

The summer took it's toll, but now I'm back.

Nothing interesting haven't happened yet. Or no spontanous storys haven't jumped into my mind yet.

Just something not important

Just why I get this feeling that something important is missed or is yet to happen. It is like silence before the storm, even if the storm is a little thunder on a sunny day. Thunderclouds over my head are not an uncommon sight. They are there like forever and never gone. Even if I'm happy for second they come back and I put on my pessimistic face. It's like I'm not there for others. Just a little black pixel on some politician's suit in TV that has only one meaning in life.
But what is Life? Is life an imitation of death, or the simulation you do before you die? Less you know about life the better because it will make your head explode in time if you think too much about it. Thats how geniuses are born, they just think about life, but meanwhile find out a little thing about life worth of documentation.

He who shall not be named

He saw a big black truck and then it happened. The trucker seemed to have lost control over the truck and it was rushing towards him. He had only seconds to run out of harms way. Fortunately, the trucker got his truck under control and stopped it a second before hitting him. But at that moment a second truck hit him through first truck.

At first it seemed like a lot of blood was spilled, too much for man to carry. But after he woke up, a minute after being hit by the second truck, it seemed to him that he was back in a war-zone. helplessly trying to reach his gun he sat there ten minutes. After that he stood up and went to have a look about what had really happened.

The surroundings seemed familiar to him but he didn't remember how he had got there. He was in a beautiful park under a willow tree. And then, the next moment he felt like being ripped away from the Earth. He saw only flashing lights and felt a sharp pain in his lower body. And then he realized what had happened. But he knew he could never tell anyone, because they would never believe him.

Lost and yet found again

It seems that lost hope can be found again. Yet a year has past. Can time really cure wounds in heart or soul? Yet it feels like so, but something is still bothering me. What does she want? She is like a good friend who is great to watch films with, but on other hand she is very hard-working. Nothing to do but wait and see what tides of time shall bring me. But never lose hope,should  you lose your hope all what is precious to you perishes and you feel like an empty shell lying on beach waiting for tide to come and take you with...